DEAR JOYCE: A friend suddenly lost his job of 18 years last week. The staff cut was a stunning blow to his pride. I'm not sure what to say to him or what to do to help. What is your recommendation? - V.W.

Chances are that many of us know someone who has lost his or her job this year. Being cut loose involuntarily - whether your fault or not - is devastating to most people. Think about it: You're not needed or wanted. You've been rejected, pushed away, kicked to the curb.

"Job loss is a disorienting experience," says Robbie Miller Kaplan, author of "How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times," (Prentice Hall, 2004.)

"Individuals experiencing job loss grieve and mourn the loss of their job, security, routines, friendships and future," Kaplan says. "There might be anger and resentment for the lost years spent devoted to the organization and the effort exerted to climb the ladder to their current field."

When interviewing for jobs, candidates are expected to dazzle interviewers with confidence, a tough assignment for someone who's feeling like an also-ran. If you're serious about stepping up to the plate with your friendship, here are thoughts to consider.

WHAT NOT TO DO.
Ask stress-inducing questions: "How will you pay the rent?" "Did you find a job yet?" Don't you know that this is a particularly bad time to be unemployed?" Don't return calls. Ignore requests for assistance. Compromise your friend's confidence with a barrage of unsolicited grooming makeover suggestions. Criticize your friend's resume, unless asked to do so.

WHAT TO DO.
Start by recognizing your friend's loss and express sympathy, Kaplan advises: "I know how hard you've worked and this must really be difficult for you. I'm here for you and I'll help you any way I can." Kaplan also suggests being helpful but not controlling, and promoting your friend's confidence factor:

"Allow them to feel their way through the experience and make choices in their own time and in their own way. And provide them with positive reinforcement on how good you think they are."

On the job search front, here are four practical things you can do.

- Give a job search book as a gift.

- Share your network to make promising connections.

- Rehearse job interviews with a camcorder.

- Be generous with encouraging e-mail messages and cheery lunch invitations.

Who knows? Maybe one day you'll be grateful to your friend for returning the favors.

(E-mail career questions for possible use in this column to Joyce Lain Kennedy at jlk@sunfeatures.com; use "Reader Question" for subject line. Or mail her at Box 368, Cardiff, CA 92007.)

(C) 2008 Tribune Media Services, Inc.